new look. same me. new posts. Love, C.
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So, adored this honest post about what is really going on in life. Inspiring moi to do a quick authentic update as well. Since I have been absent from the on-line world and all. Time Flies...
Ahmed has been getting ready for his adventure back home to Egypt. Wow, what a process that is to be gone for over a month. Getting his US passport, making sure all the bills are in order while he is gone. Getting him ready for that long flight. Buying oodles of gifts for his family and friends. A lot of Shampoo and make-up goodies. American products are so expensive over there. Last few days were a whirlwind of watch buying (He decided on the fabulous new classic Timex Weekender Collection. Inspired by there successful collab with J.Crew). Emotions high. Bittersweet good-byes at the airport.
Trying to memorize everything about him while he's gone. Ugh dramatic I know. But, in the over 4 years we have been together. We have spent little time away from each other and over a month will be brutal. But, I understand how important family is and he has been away from his own for way too long. He has so many nieces and nephews to meet. Long conversations with his brothers and sister to have in person. Catching up with precious time with his Dad!!! So, I put aside my missing him as best as I can and know this is the best place for him to be right now.
So, now it is just me. I am a only child so I have learned over the years to entertain myself. I will be fine in between the many twinges of missing him. My friends and our friends have been wonderful. Keeping me busy. I am trying to do FB and Blog Catch up:) Please bear with me and know you will be hearing from me soon dear blog friends.
I know. I know. The Help. It is all the literary/film rage right now. But, I am so jumping blissfully on the bandwagon as well. I am on page 254 right now and loving each one. And can't wait to finish the book, so I then go to the movie. Since reading Gone with the Wind as a kid after watching the Movie. I will never again do that. Books deserve that vivid imagination play on the page first before seeing the film:)
Have you read it? Growing up in the South and my own Mom being The Help to pay my way through Catholic School. I am so riveted by the charector's and Stories. My Mom cleaned house in the early 1980's for two exclusive households. One Family was the Hanson's, who both parents were Doctar's. My Mom also watched there darling little girls that were around my age. Karen and Jenny. They became a wonderful extension of our own lives and were so kind to my Mother and I. I never felt a class difference what so ever. But, the Dr.'s were also yankees like us:) Then my Mothers other household was a little different. Southern Traditional. The Mother was a Dr's wife and she busied herself with traveling and other things. She was a kind lady and did teach me how to tie my shoes:) They had a daughter and son. The little boy was a toddler and his oldest sister was quite interesting. Coming up with silly stories. A very vivid imagination and quite a hand full! My Mom rarely watched the children as they had a African American Nanny. It was my first experience with the lingering Black/White Social roles that still sometimes exist in the south. This lovely Woman was older, maybe in her fifties then. She was so sweet and delightfully fun. Wow, she was a wonderful cook too boot. She seemed so at ease around us children and my Mom. But, when the Mrs. was around it was a whole different story. These strange yes Ma'am and quietness would come over her. Even as a child I was surprised by it and how the eldest child even treated her differently then my own Mother the HouseKeeper. I remember asking my Mother about it and her explaining the best way that she could. "The South is different. They has social traditions we don't." My Mom did not work long for them. I think she even found issues with the Mrs. after awhile. My Mothers view was and is still embraced in my life. Social standing/ color of a person's skin means nothing . It feels funny even talking about it now. But, The Help is a good reminder of how it used to be and at times still can be to many. Moving again to the deep South as Adult, I would be a fool to not say that it doesn't exist still. It is a touchy subject I know. But, I pray that this book will have an impact on reminding everyone how far we have come and in the many ways we need to go forward in racial/social views. Bias do come in all shapes and sizes. It is awareness that never should be forgotten nor not worked on.
If you have not read the book. I don't want to go into too much detail. But, I adore the idea of a steno notebook as a prayer book. I do right down my prayers for others a lot. But, I don't have a specific place. Usually on scraps of paper or on my Morning pages ledger pad that usually get tossed:( So, while at Target the other day I picked up a 99 cent steno pad and covered it with my favorite pattern paper from Studio Calico (farmer's market) that I have found no use for quite yet.
I added a little label and a faux wood grain clip to collect things. I love how books can not only entertain, but inspire:)
Happy Wed. Friends and Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the comments on the last post!!!! They are tucked in my heart for my continued health journey. Love, C.
In honor of losing 50 lbs. I thought I would share a little before and in the process:) photos. I was inspired by one of my besties Amy over the last weekend. We had a conversation about if she had noticed any changes. I of course notice in how my clothes are becoming looser. But, also I look at myself everyday as Amy sees me very frequently. So, It is hard to tell. We kind of shrugged our shoulders and went onto the next topic of conversation. Then on Sunday I thought what the heck might as well take a pic and did a little comparison.
Wow! I was shocked. Yeah 50lbs does make a difference. Even in the way I carry myself. I am wearing the same good old white t-shirt and I can't believe how loose it is:) And my double chin is on it's way out of town:) The black pants I was wearing now swim on me and I only wear them now if they are my last choice:)
So, In honor of 50 pounds lost. I thought I would share the photos with you. Let me tell you... I am a pretty modest person and in general am not one to focus on how I am looking, but how I am feeling on this health journey. But, the photos do tell a lot:)
In the book that really helped place the seed of possible change A Course in Weight Loss. Author Marianne Williamson mentions the power of writing letters to the Before self as a way to connect. So, after digesting the change that has occurred thus far on my health journey. I wrote this:
Do you remember that first week in June? When you began implementing all those health and inspirations into real change. You had done the emotional/spiritual work throughout the winter/spring. Taking those first steps... finding hope in yourself again and the possibility that change could happen through the pages of this book. Then you mustered up the courage to go to the Doctor to finally face reality of what you fearfully expected- the very real diagnosis of Type 2 diabetes and high cholesterol. Remember soon after going to that Lap-band surgery informational meeting at the hospital. Being terrified of having the surgery and sitting in the parking lot praying to God with every ounce of your being that he would help you do it without surgery. He answered. The next day you received a e-mail in response to the letter and photos you had "forgotten" that you sent to the casting of the show on A&E Heavy for season 2. Hope finally came into your vocabulary that night again. You soon embarked on filling out the long painful application they had requested as with filming a half hour video on you at this moment. This process busted wide open your denial, truly revealing what you had become over the years of emotional eating and weight gain. A person not living to your fullest. Just existing.
So, finally in June after the realization that no show was going to come and rescue you. You prayed again to God, "Please help me just to begin." He did and it was not easy. The first month was grueling. Exercise was exhausting and not any way enjoyable as you remembered. You started small. Only doing 15 minute increments of exercise. Your eating was even a harder battle. The emotional component was a bear. Working through it was like dealing with a kid having tantrums. You were so resistant to change. Remember that day after that walk? How you were about to throw in the towel. The cravings were ridiculous and the walk was like a torture of discomfort. Hot, winded and Frustrated. You fought with God and yourself in your heart. "What's the F-ing point. I am nearly a month in and I feel really no different except deprived and uncomfortable. What's the point to keep going?" You got home the apartment elevator was still out. You walked up those six flights. Taking your breaks as tears of frustration fell down your face. You finally reached the apartment and Ahmed was there. You cried to him for nearly hour and then exhausted laid down to take a nap. Remember waking up from the nap with the simple thought in your heart "Keep going? What do you have to LOSE?" Lose a lifestyle of mediocrity and frequent trips to McDonald's. Losing crappy food choices that is replacing Authentic Living. Losing a "Fat" Costume that doesn't match who you are on the inside. Losing out on being out of breath doing the most mundane tasks. Most of all losing out on being the best version of yourself for the long life you deserve to live.
Then a couple days later the energy came. Followed by the stamina. Then the boldness to try new things to help me succeed on this health journey. Weight Watchers Points Plus. Reading H3 Daily each morning. Opening up to my Online Facebook group and being accountable. Joining the YMCA and GOING:) Nourishing my spirit by going back to church. Enjoying the healthy process. Being accountable. Sharing and celebrating my milestones. Being in the moment. Finding patience with the scale and looking beyond what it tells me. Measuring success by how I am feeling and not by the weight numbers. Being kind and forgiving on those off days. Finally accepting the fact this will be one of the hardest things I will do, but the most rewarding.
So, BEFORE you have now become IN PROCESS:) Feels good right? doing something that less then a year ago you were almost convinced would not happen. But, it did and IS. Those thoughts and intentions are happening in real time. It is not a quick fix or some magic spell. It is hard, yet joyful work that is only really beginning. Keep Going. What do you have to lose? Love, C.
***yep that double chin is on it's way out:) Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement! It means so much to me on this healthy journey!!!!